Metallica and Motherhood
Raising an 80s/90s rock kid in 2025 Brooklyn
I have never once listened to Metallica of my own free will. Yet it’s a little after 7 am on a recent morning and the sounds of “For Whom the Bell Tolls” by Metallica are drifting down the stairs from my kids’ room.
My 6 yo son, Zaire, wanted to rock out after finishing his cereal. Now I am finishing my coffee and packing snacks and wondering why I am listening to Metallica so early in the morning. How did we get here?
Naturally, it began with the Beastie Boys, “No Sleep Till Brooklyn.” Used in the soundtrack to the Secret Life of Pets, Zaire would rewind the movie to watch the scene where the pets are crossing the Brooklyn Bridge to this song. Having listened to what felt like 200+ times, it felt like the right time to suggest that the Beastie Boys had other songs.
The next hit was “Fight for Your Right”, which for a long time Zaire insisted was actually “Fight Till You Get It Right.” I somewhat prefer his version to the sentiments communicated in the original lyrics.
We didn’t stay confined to the Beastie Boys catalogue for long. One day I was finishing a rare Peloton ride when my kids interrupted me and heard Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” A few longer car rides turned him onto Gun n’ Roses. Before you ask, his favorite song is “Nightrain,” along with the classics “Sweet Child O’ Mine” and “Paradise City.”
There is something magical about watching Zaire experience music that he loves. The other evening I was driving him home from speech therapy, and Nirvana’s “Love Buzz” came on after “Lithium”. He hadn’t heard this one before (it is kind of a deep cut), but he got about 30 seconds in before he asked for the name of the song and for me to start it from the beginning.
In the rear-view mirror I could see his face give a little smile and his head move to the beat. And I could almost touch that feeling he was experiencing. When you hear something that feels like it was written for you.
He’s discovered so many bands on his own from Rage Against the Machine to Local H to Green Day. There is something deeply human in our taste for specific music. And I love watching Zaire learn to love different songs. Even when the songs he is loving are Pantera and Slayer songs. And I’m grateful in some strange way to the algorithm that recommended so many songs that I would not have been able to introduce him to myself.
Of course, I have my doubts as a parent. When do I enforce parental controls? How do I talk to him about what the music is about? Will I be able to teach him about the context and meaning of these lyrics? Am I spending enough time working on his reading, writing and math?
There isn’t a profound insight to end this with. Instead, I mostly have questions.
Is it uniquely human to develop a taste for specific music? How much control do we have as parents over what our children gravitate to? How much control do we have over what we consume? Is there joy in the eventual distance created between a parent and child as they grow into their own individuality? And isn’t there something human about connecting with art, and meeting and communing around that art? Isn’t there always an opening for more of our own individual discovery?